My first day as a temp
I am rudely shocked awake by the alarm clock. The damn thing hasn't worked in weeks, but now, at 6 freakin am it chooses to work?!?
fucker.
I hit snooze and settle back in to get another 11 minutes of sleep. Six minutes in, my cell phone alarm goes off. I have no idea how to make that thing snooze, so I turn it off the only way my sleep addled mind knows how...with a flight across the room. It shuts up with crunch against the wall. But now I am awake.
fuck.
Now I remember why I am awake at the arse-crack of dawn. I actually have a job! A hot shower, a barking Rocketdog and hyper-excited Morte-dog (shut-up, I like hyphens!) later I am dressed and ready to go. I get into my car(after a 5 minute debate on whether I wanted to take my motorcycle instead) and look down at my once black pants. Problem with dealing with Rocketdog is that he is white and capable of shedding at will. Usually when I have someplace important to be. My pants are now white.
fuck.
So it's back into the house to roller my pants. AND since I am in there, I decide to change my shirt from the blue to the black. I am sure it made sense at the time. Ok back to car. I am sure I am going to be late. I haven't driven in rush hour in months, so I have no idea what our messed up freeway is goin to be like. Evidently, at 7-ish in the am, it is empty. I get to my jobsite 30 minutes early.
fuck
So I go in and wait. Little did I know this was going to be the theme for the day. At about 8:15 (the start time was 8) the guy in charge enters the lobby. He looks at the 13 temps waiting for him and tells us that he will be stashing us in the lunchroom, since we don't have a work room set up yet. We walk roughly a mile through the building (it's the one with the giant clock) until we get to what will be our home, hopefully for the only the next few minutes. Being temp is like a mix of prison and high school. Everyone stares at you and noone talks to you. The only people talking to each other are the ones that have done this before. The new guys are being ignored and I am busy trying to avoid eye contact, less someone thinks I want to converse. I overhear most of the old hands talking about how they have such and such certification from PC Productivity or which ever "school" is currently handing out IT Certifications. Evidently I am the only one here that isn't a professional computer temp. I point out that I will have my certification in about two years. They are amazed and ask what certificate takes that long.
"I will be a certified Funeral Director/Embalmer"
silence followed by more uncomfortable silence. Well, I have now guaranteed my place as group outsider.
fuck
At about 10:30 the project manager comes back. We get our ID badges and then are told to go to lunch and meet back at the lunchroom at noon. At about 1 o'clock he returns. We still haven't done anything even resembling work. Some people are griping, but most of us just want to go home at this point. Sure, we are getting paid to do nothing, but nothing is damn boring for 5 hours. He announces that we have a work room! So we get up and walk another 25 miles through the maze they call a building to our new home. It's in the middle of a production floor, so in order to get there we need safety glasses. Which take another half hour to produce. Our "office" is nothing more then an air conditioned box in the middle of the building. It's nice, in a super cooled bunker sort of way. We get settled in, choosing our chairs carefully. I can't help but notice the lack of computers. Or phones. For a helpdesk support project.
fuck
The manager also notices the lack and goes out o make some calls. 2, count them, 2 hours later we all have laptops. Still no phones, but you can't have everything. The manager's cell phone rings again and he is off. We sit there and play with the new toys. Thank god for internet access. Five minutes before we are scheduled to go home, the manager returns with a jump drive filled with info we need on our machines. A jump drive that doesn't want to synch with anyone's laptop. He grumbles and decides to call it a day.
I walk the nine miles to the exit only to be foiled by the exit itself. Seems that in order to leave this building, you have to punch a button to unlock a revolving door for a rotation. It takes a few minutes for me to figure this out. I finally defeat the door and head home.
Normally this is where these sort of stories end. Not mine. I got home just in time to take a phone call from another company offering to hire me on permantly. For a few dollars more an hour then the 6 week temp assignment. I happily accept it and begin drafting my resignation letter to the temp service.
fucker.
I hit snooze and settle back in to get another 11 minutes of sleep. Six minutes in, my cell phone alarm goes off. I have no idea how to make that thing snooze, so I turn it off the only way my sleep addled mind knows how...with a flight across the room. It shuts up with crunch against the wall. But now I am awake.
fuck.
Now I remember why I am awake at the arse-crack of dawn. I actually have a job! A hot shower, a barking Rocketdog and hyper-excited Morte-dog (shut-up, I like hyphens!) later I am dressed and ready to go. I get into my car(after a 5 minute debate on whether I wanted to take my motorcycle instead) and look down at my once black pants. Problem with dealing with Rocketdog is that he is white and capable of shedding at will. Usually when I have someplace important to be. My pants are now white.
fuck.
So it's back into the house to roller my pants. AND since I am in there, I decide to change my shirt from the blue to the black. I am sure it made sense at the time. Ok back to car. I am sure I am going to be late. I haven't driven in rush hour in months, so I have no idea what our messed up freeway is goin to be like. Evidently, at 7-ish in the am, it is empty. I get to my jobsite 30 minutes early.
fuck
So I go in and wait. Little did I know this was going to be the theme for the day. At about 8:15 (the start time was 8) the guy in charge enters the lobby. He looks at the 13 temps waiting for him and tells us that he will be stashing us in the lunchroom, since we don't have a work room set up yet. We walk roughly a mile through the building (it's the one with the giant clock) until we get to what will be our home, hopefully for the only the next few minutes. Being temp is like a mix of prison and high school. Everyone stares at you and noone talks to you. The only people talking to each other are the ones that have done this before. The new guys are being ignored and I am busy trying to avoid eye contact, less someone thinks I want to converse. I overhear most of the old hands talking about how they have such and such certification from PC Productivity or which ever "school" is currently handing out IT Certifications. Evidently I am the only one here that isn't a professional computer temp. I point out that I will have my certification in about two years. They are amazed and ask what certificate takes that long.
"I will be a certified Funeral Director/Embalmer"
silence followed by more uncomfortable silence. Well, I have now guaranteed my place as group outsider.
fuck
At about 10:30 the project manager comes back. We get our ID badges and then are told to go to lunch and meet back at the lunchroom at noon. At about 1 o'clock he returns. We still haven't done anything even resembling work. Some people are griping, but most of us just want to go home at this point. Sure, we are getting paid to do nothing, but nothing is damn boring for 5 hours. He announces that we have a work room! So we get up and walk another 25 miles through the maze they call a building to our new home. It's in the middle of a production floor, so in order to get there we need safety glasses. Which take another half hour to produce. Our "office" is nothing more then an air conditioned box in the middle of the building. It's nice, in a super cooled bunker sort of way. We get settled in, choosing our chairs carefully. I can't help but notice the lack of computers. Or phones. For a helpdesk support project.
fuck
The manager also notices the lack and goes out o make some calls. 2, count them, 2 hours later we all have laptops. Still no phones, but you can't have everything. The manager's cell phone rings again and he is off. We sit there and play with the new toys. Thank god for internet access. Five minutes before we are scheduled to go home, the manager returns with a jump drive filled with info we need on our machines. A jump drive that doesn't want to synch with anyone's laptop. He grumbles and decides to call it a day.
I walk the nine miles to the exit only to be foiled by the exit itself. Seems that in order to leave this building, you have to punch a button to unlock a revolving door for a rotation. It takes a few minutes for me to figure this out. I finally defeat the door and head home.
Normally this is where these sort of stories end. Not mine. I got home just in time to take a phone call from another company offering to hire me on permantly. For a few dollars more an hour then the 6 week temp assignment. I happily accept it and begin drafting my resignation letter to the temp service.
posted by port at 8/22/2006 09:32:00 am
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